Love Letters

                                                            Part-I

I think you will understand my feelings. I am writing the feelings that have occupied my heart since last eight years which I try to pour out today through these words. Do you know one thing that I was quite impressive of you when I saw you ,I think  three years ago, when you came to me for tuition for SLC.? The very impression made me write these words for you so that I can share my feelings. And you are the second person to impress me so I respect you, I admire you and I love you. Yea, you are the second person.

I don't like to make the short story longer. It is really short story. It is the story of one week. About eight years ago I happened to go to Pokhara for the treatment of my friends. My friend had got a kind of problem in his throat. He had a nasal sound while speaking. His throat was to be done a kind of operation in the Gandaki Hospital, Pokhara. I was the very person to look after him during the period. In fact, we decided to stay at Sirjana Chowk in the home of his aunt. It was there where I saw an extraordinary person whom I could not express in words. I believe I didn't speak more than seven words with her during my stay at her home for seven days. I know she does not know me now. I don't think she has ever imagined me as I have done of her every day, every hours, every minutes, every second since last eight years. What impressed me much of her is not her external beauty but her internal beauty. I don't mean to say that she is less beautiful than nymph. She is much more beautiful in her internal qualities. Her way of speaking in a slow and gentle manner really caught me by heart. Her mannerism, her Victorian style, her gentility, her respect for others, her humble nature really touched me so hard that I still could not forget her. The same things I found on you. I find the same shadow of hers on you so I want to share these feelings for you. (Rest of the things I will write you in the next episode…………..)

                                               

                                                            Part-II

I love you. Don't get afraid. My love is not the earthly one. I love you not for marriage. I love you not for physical relation. I love you not as the most of the boys do for their girl friends in this

mundane world. I love you spiritually. I have courtly love for you. I love you platonically. I don't want to be physically near to you. I want to be away from you physically so that I can be nearer to you spiritually. I want to make my feelings merge with yours in the spiritual world. I don't want to make you bother in any sense. You, please always remember that I am sharing feelings with you because you are worth person that I have found to tell my secret love story. What I want from you is just you read my story and let me know that you have read through net. Yea, you send through net please because I have deleted your number form my cell. I feel I gave you trouble sending sms. If there is your number in my cell, I may unconsciously send messages which I think you don't like. I deleted your number because I don't like to give you the burden of replying me despite your reluctance and unwillingness. My heart has found the soul and spirit of Geetu on you. So I am writing to you with great respect. While reading the story, Please don't think me insane and lunatic. Don't think that I am suffering some psychological problems. I claim I am all right. I know I am flowing in the river of feelings. But I have not forgotten myself and you and her. So I am writing otherwise I may not. Preeti, I am also selfish. I want one thing form you. The very selfishness makes me write to you. Are you feeling bore. I am sorry I give you trouble of reading the whole story. Preeti, you don't show this letter to others. It is just written for you. This story is the story of you, me and her. But you are the reader and I am the writer so we know what is written here. If she were in this world, I might have made this story available for her too. You know one thing I type secretly on the keyboard, write secretly at night at about 11 pm. Yea, I want form you one thing. I want from you one thing. I think you know I am a student of literature – English literature. My dream is to be a well known professor. Preeti, I am talking about my dream. What we wish in our life, it remains uncompleted. And what we do not want comes in life. Life is a story told by foolish, isn't it? It is my dream to be a reputed professor and write something: poetry and novel. I have three times mentioned that I want something form you. And it is your impression, inspiration and love for my literary career. Again I want to tell you that I don't ask for the earthly love but spiritual love. It is possible even after you get married with somebody else. Even you can develop love affair with third person and choose life partner, it will not hamper my spiritual love for you. Yea, what I want form you is that you read my story, feel my feelings, and inspire me to write continuously. I just want to shift her impression on you and be inspired from you as I was from her. Preeti, I am your best wisher. I want you to be a renowned figure in the nursing career because it was her dream, an unfulfilled dream. Do you remember I used to encourage you to accept a nursing career? I used to tell you time and again. why?. I think you know why I encouraged you.

Preeti story is quite unpleasant and tragic. I believe you are ready to read. After I completed my masters, I will develop this story into a novel and publish. Now I am just sharing the summary of the story with you.  I believe you will not take the things lightly. Will you read? Will you inspire me to write? I need your inspiration, it is my selfishness. I would like to apologize for the same.

                                                           

Part-III

It was about 5 pm. She was coming back home from her school in her school uniform. I still remember it was raining slightly. Pokhara is one of the places in Nepal where there is the high frequency of rain. Her complexion was a bit rosy in color because she was using rose-coloured umbrella. Huge bag of books on her back, blue colored skirt, white shirt well ironed, folded sleeves, her brother behind her, both enter through the gate and greeted us ( me and my friend ) saying " Namskar". I replied "Namaskar". "When did you arrive", she asked Bikal. He said, "We are just coming."  No more conversation than just that. She went into her room. She changed her uniform and became fresh. Breakfast was already ready. It was the time for all of us to take breakfast. We too went to kitchen. Her mom was busy preparing disks for us in the kitchen. I was feeling ashamed and strange there. It was difficult for me to deal with them. I could not make any sort of conversation with anyone there, except for my friend. With heavier feet, I entered in to the kitchen with my friend. She was placing the disks of breakfast and glasses of water on the table. Heavily I took a seat in one of the four chairs. Bikal was next to me. Her brother, Ramesh was facing Bikal and me just opposite to her. Her mom, Badrika Didi, was not with us in the same table. She was sitting down on the floor.

But I did not know anything about her father. I thought he might have been an officeholder; it was not the time for him to come back. I still remember I was very shy then. I wanted nobody compel me to speak a single world. Then Bikal introduced me with each of them. At that time I was a bit more influenced by Sai Baba. Bikal was also a devotee of Baba. And they too were truly devoted to Sai Baba. So I was also acquainted with the name of Sai Baba. I remember Bikal told them about me in a hyperbolic way. I didn't know why he elevated my status in a soaring way. I was much more ashamed of his appreciation and exaggeration of myself. “He is my best friend. He is my heartiest friend. We study together in the same college. He is talented and college topper. He became first in the inter level first year. He is a true devotee of Sai Baba. He is teaching English in the Boarding school." elevated my status in front of them. Why did he do so I still can't understand? Anyway he made me feel embarrassed there. Because I don't like to expose artificial ideology by concealing the fact. Preeti, are you reading? I believe you are not bored with it. Preeti, you know my real name is Pitamber Sapkota. But today most of people know me as Pm Sharma. Do you know who is the person to tag the name "Pm Sharma." It is Bikal who gave me the name Pm Sharma. He introduced me with them not with my full name and last name but with " Pm sharma". I don't know why he did so. He had already introduced me as an English teacher; in fact by that time I didn't take tuition class either. There was no question of teaching in the Boarding school. I had just taken the exam of 2^nd year. Preeti, It was Geetu who called me with great respect and honour as "pm sir". I was so ashamed when she respected me as an English teacher; by that time I wan neither a teacher nor worthy for an English teacher. Preeti, do you get one secrecy who is the first person to address me as Pm sir?  Definitely it was Geetu to regard me as Pm. Sir for the first time. Now people recognize me as pm. Sharma in my locality but you are the very first person to know the secrecy behind the abbreviation form of my name. I believe you are reading now. And you know who made me pm. Sir and how.

 Yea, we were taking the breakfast but I was not feeling comfortable there with people who were not familiar with me before. I didn’t know why I was feeling nervous at the moment. The degree of my nervousness used to soar as people looked at me. I have already told you Geetu had just sat in front of me in opposite direction. Sometime accidentally our eyes used to come together but I hurriedly and promptly directed to other direction; then I used to get blushed with shyness. As a matter fact I didn’t have undergone such nervousness before. Still I remember I was quite fainted as she urged me to take tea after breakfast which I had denied in the pretension that I never took tea. But my pretension could not make me stronger in front of her urge. I had to take tea because I could not create more words to make any more excuses. I was almost reddened with shyness. I used to look at her when she was not looking at me. If mistakenly I looked at her at the same time and she too turned towards me at the right moment, then our eyes came together and I felt blushed. While she was turning other directions and talking with others, I got the chance to gaze on her. I was quite impressed of her simple hair style and dress, humble behavior and aptitude, and most strikingly her charming complexion and polite talk. You know, I have never felt such an embarrassment before but I don’t know why I felt so in front of her. My inner eye found her really distinguished and different from other girls whom I have met so far. Her blue kurtha salwal, her thick black long hair loosely bound with white ribbon in two plaits, holding a glass of tea in her right hand and talking with Bikal, looking so simple and humble and one could find distinguished beauty in her simplicity that can not be found in the artificial makeup of other girls in this world. Her naturally big and beautiful almond shape eyes, unaffected by any sorts of makeup substances, crystal clear complexion charming like the moon, broad white forehead, quite naturally shaped eye brows and in between them one small black mole made her no less beautiful than an imagined nymph in any fairy tale.